Suicidal

Holy hell. Look at all the dust around here.

Depression is a brutal thing to have. Even though I'm medicated it still makes it hard to keep up with a lot of stuff. I lose interest in things. Add in having to deal with other people's problems... I just don't give a shit about life in general.

It's 0304 as I type this. I want to sleep because I work in 10 hours but I can't. My fucking brain won't shut down. I can't get comfortable in bed. Made tbe bed twice but still feel like I am tangled in the sheets. My pillow is too soft and too hard. And the noise levels have no balance.

A few months ago I went through a very dark week. Suicidal dark. Most people can't imagine what it's like. I spent a lot of time researching ways to kill myself. What over the counter drugs would work and how much I'd have to take, fatality rates, survivability, how long it takes to kill.... Fun stuff. I decided on hanging. Did some research on ropes and local bridges to hang from.

The entire time I was still taking my meds. I still haven't figured out what triggered it or what snapped me out of it.

I know that I will never be happy, but right now I'm not in a dark place and that is good enough.

Starmail sucks ass.

Some might think I went overboard, frankly I feel like I didn't go far enough.

Logan quite his paper route last week. Today, a Sunday, they call and make him feel obligated to deliver for one more week because "he has to give 2 weeks notice". 

Um. What? Hate to break it to you Starmail, but: 1- He hasn't been there 3 months. He's barely been there for 2. Within the probationary period neither side is obligated to give ANY notice of any kind. How do I know? I walked into work at Dollarama, punched in and was told I was fired. 2- It's a fucking once a week paper delivery and he's a KID.

I told them all this on a message I had to leave at their office today, commented on them being a chicken shit outfit, and calmly told them that if the flyers arrive on my doorstep, will happily return them to their doorstep and set them on fire. 

DO NOT ORDER FROM PIZZA PIZZA

My letter to Pizza Pizza:

I'd like to thank you for giving me the WORST pizza experience ever.
I placed an online order at 8:22 pm on August 17, 2013. Your website said 40 minutes or it's free. With 10 minutes left, I turned on my lobby camera channel to keep an eye out. He didn't show up by 9:02 pm. Even with the extra 10 minutes you added to the website timer, he wasn't here by 9:12 pm.

When I called, I was told that he arrived 6 minutes early, couldn't buzz my apartment, called the store and since they couldn't get a hold of me the order was cancelled.  I was also told that they would reprocess it, and we'd have to pay for your driver's stupidity. Why?

When I demanded to speak to a supervisor, he spoke to me for less than a minute and put me on hold. 10 minutes later, when someone FINALLY came back, it was someone from Pizza 73? Really? I realized that I forgot to change my phone number info before ordering, but the buzz code is on the receipt.

I don't know what the hell your people are trying to pull but this is ridiculous. Hell, we watched a PizzaPizza driver show up while I was on hold. He stood in the doorway looked and the intercom, opened his cell and walked out.

I will NOT be ordering from you ever again. Pizza Hut Doesn't require a phone number for an online order, why do you?

I will be telling everyone I know not to order form you .

Still moving forward.

Tuesday was the last day of my workshops at Goodwill Industries Career Center. I now have a new updated resume and a have my three references. I've also learned a few things about how to conduct myself in an interview. I'm feeling a lot more confident now! I also had Workplace Hazardous Material Identification System (WHMIS) training and received my certification on it!

Today I had a follow up appointment with my facilitator, Linda. I had to confirm I completed what we agreed upon in March and make plans for the near future.

So, Monday I go back for Personality Dimensions. I'm told it's going to be a busy day but fun. I'll find out what "color" my personality is, how to tell what color someone else is and learn how to deal with them effectively. After that, I don't have anything there until May 27 & 28 when I go for my CPR/First Aid training.

Then in July, I go to their Expert Customer Service course. I'll be able to knock the dust of my skills and learn a few new ones. 30 hours of in class training and then 50 hours working in all areas of the Goodwill retail store.

Because the last course is so far out I was told I could go and sit in on the Employment Placement meetings. I'd like to, but there's one minor hiccup that puts it on the back burner. 

Carrie has a date for her gall bladder surgery. May 23, and we have to be there for 11:00 am. With her needing 6 to 8 weeks for recovery it's good that I have to wait so long to finish up with Goodwill.

Now it's time to eat and maybe have a coffee.

2 weeks

Of job workshops will be completed shortly. I'm sitting outside Goodwill Career Center waint for the final session to begin. I thought it started at noon but it starts at one pm. A little less than half an hour from now.

Today we will be finalizing our resumé, saving it to their system and printing some copies off.

While I like the way my resume now focuses on a customer service position, I'm used to seeing the old school resumé.... this one just seems really thin.

But I'm not done here yet. Tomorrow I come back for Workplace Hazardous Material Identificaton System, or WHMIS for short, training. Then on Monday I'm back for Personality Dimensions. We find out what colour my personality is. They tell me there are 4 colours you fall into. One is strong, one is weak and the other two and middle of the road. With my luck they'll need to add a new colour.

Next month I come back for First Aid/CPR training. I'm also looking and doing some volunteer work. But that may have to wait until after Carrie's surgery, depending on when it is.

If also managed to lock down three job references.  All three are great guys and I know they'll give  me a good review.

All that's left is to actually get an interview.

15 minutes left now. Guess I have time to check emails and Facebook.

No School for Me.

I'm not sure if I'm upset or not. Mostly because I'm not sure if I was excited or scared shitless about going back to school. Not that it matters, I don't qualify for the Second Career program. Oh well.

On the plus side I do get to go to a couple of job finding workshops. Once those are done I'm in for Workplace Hazardous Materials Information System (WHMIS) training, personality profiling and First Aid/CPR training. Once those are done I'm able to take some other things through Goodwill. 

Guess I either need to get a student loan or find another way of getting into school. 

Back to college?

I'm really hoping so now.

I have an appointment with the Goodwill Career Center on March 19. They'll help me figure out if I qualify for the Second Career program.

Business 1 is what I want to take. I've never seen a school uses levels before, but I guess they are the same as semesters.


Level 1
Take all of the following Mandatory Courses:
ACCT-1004 Principles of Accounting 1
MATH-1052 Business Math
BUSI-1060 Strategies for Success
WRIT-1032 Reason & Writing - Business 1
MKTG-1012 Principles of Marketing I
BUSI-1005 Introduction to Business Processes

Level 2
Gen Ed - Take a 3 credit General Education elective course
Take all of the following Mandatory Courses:
COMM-3020 Professional Communication
COMP-3077 Excel for Business-Adv
LAWS-3018 Ethics and Law
MATH-1175 Financial Math
BUSI-1099 Customer Relations

Level 3 Credits
Take all of the following Mandatory Courses:
ECON-1019 Contemporary Issues in Economics
FINA-1031 Financial Management Applications
MGMT-3041 Organizational Behaviour

Level 4 Credits
Take all of the following Mandatory Courses:
MGMT-3005 Strategic HR Management
BUSI-1070 Small Business Ownership
BUSI-1068 Effective Meetings & Presentations



Level 2 elective : acct-1069 Quick books
  MGMt-3053 Suprvisory Managment
  Prch-1012 Purchasing & SCM
  COMP-1413 Adobe Suite for Business


Level 3 electives: Acct-1068 Intro to Payroll
  BUSI-3004 Critical thinking
  MGMT-3011 Project Managment

Level 4 Electives: MGMt-3053 Suprvisory Managment
  Prch-1012 Purchasing & SCM
  COMP-1413 Adobe Suite for Business

I'm still debating on the electives and when to take them, but right now this feels good to me. But there are several other options too.