Thoughts of Suicide

Dunno where this came from but it needed to get out.

I'm alone in the dark, staring at the fragments of light. Five, no, four white dots so far away I can just barely see them. Are they stars? Maybe it's the last remnants of my soul fading away.

It seems like years since I counted out the codeine pills and checked on line to see if I had enough. I must have otherwise I wouldn't have taken them all. I think I can feel the pill bottle still in my hand. I don't know though, maybe I don't have hands maybe I never did.

Three fragments left.

I know I'm still breathing but just barely. I can't tell if I can hear it or feel it, probably a bit of both. I don't really care though. I think it hurts but I'm not too sure. It's shallow and ragged like a child that's been crying over it's dead dog.

Two lights left. I think I should be afraid but I'm not. My tongue is sticking to the roof of my mouth and I think I shit myself. I still can't feel my hands and feet but I can feel my guts churning and the powdery leftovers of having chewed the pills. I think I'm crying. Maybe I vomited. It's hard to tell, all I feel is wet on my face.

One left.

How long is it between the lights going out? I don't know and I'm not really worried. Time seems to have lost all meaning. It's getting hard to think, to remember. All I can do is wonder. Was this the smart thing to do? Would slitting my wrist have been better? Could I have gotten a gun? Is there a really a god and an after life? how long before the last light....

TOO DAMNED HUMID!

School is now out for the year and for the last week it's been nice weather. Warm, sunny and not overly humid. The last 2 days though that's changed. Today it was 24C, 30C with the Humidex. Sticky and gross.

Friday the local pool began it's free Friday evening family swim. We missed the first one but we're not going to miss the next... Unless it's raining.

Saturday we took Logan and 2 of his friends to "Sky's the Limit". It's a fundraiser for March of Dimes. Most of the activities were to raise money but the most fun was free and set up by the Canadian Forces. A Kiddie Commando Obstacle Course.

Things were scaled back for the kids and the "live fire" consisted of 12 or so SuperSoakers, 5 of which were stationed at the zip line. The zip line was only about 20' long but the guys would stop the slide and just hose the kids down. On the way out each kid got a certificate of participation and some other things like pens, stickers and temporary tattoos.

Logan is happy with the Wii he got and even happier with our neighbor. He's recruited Logan to help with painting and is going to pay him $40.00 or buy Logan a new Wii game. He's 8 years old and has his first "real" paying job. When I was I I think I was just out riding my bike and collecting pop bottles to return for refunds and buying candy.

I need a freaking drink. I'm starting to dehydrate.

If you haven't bothered to read the wedding blog then you don't know that the date has been changed. Again. August 23, 2008.
Yup, the end of this summer. Tuesday we go meet the Officiant and check out the wedding location. The guest list has been pared down to...6 I think.

Carrie is gone for the weekend. She went to Toronto. Her favorite WWE wrestler is at the Eaton Center signing autographs. A friend of ours bought the ticket for her as an extremely early birthday present.

She brought her pillow, book and doll to be signed. When I spoke to her after lunch she was overjoyed that he signed all three. I guess having a VIP pass has it's privileges, those that didn't have the pass were limited to one item.
To top it off she also has a pic of her standing with him. It'll probably get put on a t-shirt in a few weeks.

Next week is the last week for Logan's school. The last two have been interesting. Friday the 13 his school was in lockdown. It seems there was an armed man somewhere in the neighborhood. 4 schools in total got locked down for about 30 minutes. This past Friday they did "Play Day". The entire school went outside to play some games and just have fun. This coming Monday is a BBQ. Supposedly Mater from Cars is supposed to be there for photos. I guess we'll see about that.

Father's Day...

Happy Father's Day!

Father's Day, yes. Happy, not so much.

At 0700 there's a sharp knock on the bedroom door. Since Carrie is still sleeping next to me I must assume it's Logan and hope for some burnt toast or some cereal. Nope. The hamster escaped. It took five minutes to catch the thing and I went back to bed still hoping for breakfast in bed.

0900- Knock on the bedroom door again. Logan wants to go outside to play. I'm barely awake and Carrie's still sleeping. Since the rule is he can't go out unless we're awake the answer is no. I drift off again.

1000- Knock on the door again. This time one of the Degus has gotten out(third time in the last week). I had the little fucker but he bit me and pretty badly too. 2 bleeding "cuts", one for the upper and one for the lower teeth. Now I have an Elastoplast bandage and Polysporin on it. Hopefully I don't develop some weird rat infection. If I do at least people will know what happened to me.

Now if that isn't bad enough... Yesterday I woke up with a stiff neck. This morning the neck was fine, my right shoulder on the other hand was barely mobile. Almost ten hours, one muscle relaxer and 10 extra strength Tylenol later I still hurt but my shoulder moves. So I wasn't in the best mood to begin with.

On the plus side I got an Exact-o Knife (& spare blades) and a cutting mat so I can do my paper crafts.

One other thing I'm annoyed at is Logan's school. They made Mothers Day cards/gifts but not Father's Day? What the hell is up with that?

In other news....

My mother had surgery several weeks ago. She saw her doctor the other day and was told all is well.

Last weekend Logan did his Kidfest 5Km run. Last year he finished in 43 minutes and 30 seconds. This year he was up the night before vomiting and complained of a sore stomach the entire way to, during and from the event. He was told that if he didn't feel up to it he didn't have to run but he wanted to try and win a Wii. That didn't happen.

He finished in 46:30, 3 minutes slower. The first place runner was done in 18:22. Logan was upset and tried to tell my mom what happened. I ended up sending her an email to clear some points up for her. She responded asking what a Wii was... after 3 or 4 emails back and forth she said she was going to stop by this past Wed. and maybe have a Wii for him. She showed up Sunday with it.

Papercraft.

I did some a few years ago and had fun doing it. Too bad the models were wrecked when we moved.

Over the last few weeks I've been on a major model hunt. I haven't been disappointed. I've found several in a wide array of difficulty. So far I've only done a few of the simpler ones.



I've got a bunch of others I really want to do but I'm out of colour ink! WAAH!
I've got some highly detailed military models, Ecto-1, Back to the Future Delorean, Starcraft Terran Cannon....

My hand still hurts.

So two weeks ago I woke up in a bad mood. I spent the morning at a slow boil but it was under control.

Then some comments were made to me, normally they wouldn't have bothered me but I was already on edge. I could feel it getting close to being out of control and decided to go for a walk to cool down.

Unfortunately my way was blocked and more was said. I gave one warning to move and was ignored. No thought at all my arm cocks back and lets fly, missing a head barely and hitting a solid wood door that opens towards me. Absolutely no give and the door still shook in it's frame.

6 hours later I'm in the E.R. waiting for X-rays. No breaks, no fractures, no dislocation. However the doctor said it could be months before my hand is back to normal and there could be never damage but not likely. In other words I was lucky to get away with something so stupid.

AS it is now I have decent use of my right hand except for the last 2 fingers. It's hard to tie my shoes, use a knife and hold heavy objects with out the support of those two last fingers. Damn does it hurt when I bang into something, enough that I feel sick to the stomach.

Carrie pointed something out this morning. Monday, April 7 was our anniversery. Neither one of us even noticed the day go by. I guess it didn't help that none of our friends or family even noticed. Oh well, what can you? On the plus side I can't be blamed for forgetting it.

Logan got his report card at the beginning of the month. He's running a B average, same as last term. So that's good to see. He's proud of himself and we are too.

Logan is also happy that spring is starting to gain a foothold. Last weekend he spent most of it outside riding his bike. He'd have done the same this weekend but yesterday was raining and today we had company. Besides it was a tad chilly out anyway. This week should be better with it being mostly sunny and warmer. Next week we're supposed to get temps in the upper teens Celsius. I might be able to put the shorts and sandals on and catch some rays!

Ides of March!

March Break has come and gone. We were hoping to go check out the paintball field even though it's kind of early in the year. Mother Nature slammed us with a snow storm so we're going to have to wait a bit longer I guess.

Carrie had her post op exam yesterday. The OBGYN said she was healing better than expected. She was surprised Carrie was walking so well so soon. There's still some minor tenderness in that area and it'll be another month before the tiredness is done completely.

Logan had his 8th birthday on March 8 and I had my 8th anniversary of my 29th birthday on March 9. Logan got some good loot and had a good time with his friends, 3 of which spent the night here. Things like that make me real glad we don't and can't have more kids. LOL

My birthday consisted of me going to a movie and waiting a few more days for family to drop by and drop off gifts. My sister gave me 3 t-shirts, my grandmother gave me$40.00 and my mom got me bike parts.

For Christmas I got a new watch strap for my watch. I put it on and lost the watch 4 days later. We searched the house on 4 separate occasions looking for it as well as keeping our eyes open hoping it would pop up. No luck. So Carrie got me a new watch from Ebay as an early b-day gift. 3 days after it arrived I'm sweeping in a corner we've looked in and cleaned up several times and find my old watch sitting on the floor. I hate those fucking gremlins/gnomes/borrowers.

We picked up a few of those large plastic storage totes. We're fed up with the back room being cluttered because we've had junk stored in a bunch of mismatched food boxed. Over the next few days we'll be going through the back room and reorganizing into the totes. This should be fun....

2 weeks ago (I think) our hamster, Harvey, died in Carries hands. He was old when we got him and over the last month we noticed he was becoming more and more lethargic. His eyes were both crusted shut and for 2 days we used a warm wet cloth to try and get them opened. It worked but I think that was the death knell for him. We warned Logan that it was coming but had no idea it was going to be so soon.

On March 7 a friend of ours, Larry, bought a new hamster for us, kind of a dual birhtday present. It's only about 6 weeks old now and we aren't sure if it's male or female, though the store staff think it's female. She's a Black Bear Hamster, tentatively named Smokey. My mother laughed thinking we named her after mom's cat and one of Carrie's friends jokes that she's named after his Yahoo screen name.

Like most hamsters she sleeps through most of the day. In the evenings when she's awake she's very active. She likes to be in her hamster ball and is nearly impossible to hold safely in your hands. She moves very quickly and hasn't developed much depth perception( which is common for hamsters apparently) yet. She will wriggle and squirm out of your grip, climb up your arm and promptly fall off. Hopefully as we handle her more she'll settle down.

More than a month lapse? God...

So Carrie had her surgery on Jan 22. It went well and we're into week 4 of the recovery. Thank god. Neither one of us can stand her not being able to do anything. LOL She can't cook or clean, go for extended walks, have a bath (showers are ok but not the same), no sex (there are alternatives but where's the fun in only one getting pleasure?) and not allowed to lift, push or pull anything over 10 pounds.

On the plus side she isn't in pain but she does have the odd bad day.

Last night our friend Karen called to see if we could watch her boys be cause the sitter canceled at the last minute. I was a little leery because Logan had had a fever most of the day. We'd given him some Advil and he had seemed fine even up to the point when he ate the Pizza Pocket. All three of them went to bed and around 9:00 pm one of the twins came out saying Logan was barfing in his bed. He was and it was all pizza pocket. I'm guessing the cheese and the fever didn't like each other. So we ended up doing a load of laundry at 9:30/10:00ish.

It's only 20 days to my birthday! I know I'm getting old too. Last year I put my back out and that sucked but that's not what makes think I'm getting old. A couple days ago my back was stiffening up so I twist a bit and it POPPED. That felt better than a freaking orgasm. That makes me feel old.

Shut and get off my lawn ya stupid kids! Now pass the Geritol and multivitamins.

Me? Famous?

It seems my internet fame is growing.

If you go to Google and type in Puzuma this very blog comes up at the top of the list. That alone is freaking awesome.

Today one o the forum members was doing some research on the first game of paintball with little luck online. SO he headed to Wikipedia. Not only did he find some info on the first game he found an entry for the Special Ops forum. After reading the page he got to the bottom, References.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Special_Ops_Paintball#References

Puzuma is known to be one of the most ban-happy admins on the Special Ops Forum, but is also one of the most respected and most helpfull. Warden Wolf enjoys closing topics like crazy, and Tyler (the rest of his Name is forgotten at the time) enjoys ragging on the mods and admins because he still holds a gruge because they deleted the Airsoft Thread.

I laughed at that. What else can I do?

It looks like I've conquered 2 out of three "internet Icon status symbols". Al that's left is for me to be put in an animated youtube "famous internet people" viral videos.

Headbutt of DOOOM!

Last night, Friday, I was watching Akira. It ended at 1:15am Carrie had gone to bed about an hour earlier to read some of her book.

We'd been laying there for a few minutes when my lips hard started to bother me, badly chapped, and I got up to find some lip balm. When I crawled back into bed the lights were out and she was half a sleep.

Obviously I couldn't see her arm on my side of the bed. I ended up putting enough pressure on it at the elbow to wake her up in pain. Thirty minutes later she was off to the hospital because there was an odd clicking at just below the elbow, swelling and a tingling sensation down to her finger tips. I couldn't go because Logan was sleeping.

Carrie got home at 5am. In the three hours there they took 6 X-rays and had her talk to an abuse counselor to see if I beat her regularly. It was determined that I'm not an abusive asshole and this was just one of those odd things that can happen and that she suffered sever sprain of the elbow. Like I didn't feel bad enough having hurt her. At least it wasn't a break.

So for the next 3 days she has to stay in a sling and compression bandage. Then she has to keep the bandage on for another 4 days.

It shouldn't cause a problem with her surgery on the Jan 22, but I guess we'll see.

New stuff.

On the left is a paypal donations button and below it is a link to the wedding blog. Donation to help pay for the wedding are greatly appreciated.

I could so a run down of what's going on in regards to the wedding, but that's what the other blog is for. You want to know what's going on? Please read the other blog.

We're now 3 days into the new year and I hate it already. Not because of the wedding but because we've made a resolution to cut soda and chips out of our diets. I spent yesterday with a headache due to caffeine withdrawal. Today I'm having a hard time staying focused. My mother said it wasn't an addiction... BULL SHIT.

Logan seems to have a cold. He's been coughing his head off the last few days. That's put Carrie on edge. Not so much worry for Logan but she is scheduled for surgery on Jan 22 and doesn't want to catch anything.

Yeah, she goes in for surgery. Partial hysterectomy. It's her choice, not a medical need. She's had menstrual problems since forever and she's just fed up with it. Hopefully this wil fix things for her.

Christmas was pretty good. I got some books, slippers, "ugly shoes", new winter coat, and some candy in the stocking. I've finished reading one of the books and am almost done the other. I was a little disappointed that I didn't get anything paintball related to mountain bike related. Then on Monday I received a card from Special Ops Paintball with a note asking me to give them a call so they can send me a free set of their new Omnipat Ultralights.

I guess bike stuff will have to wait until my birthday. That's fine by me. I can't ride in the snow due to my asthma anyway.

Logan was happy to get a stuffed dog(left in his bed by Santa), a sled, HeroScape Marvel edition and a bunch of other things. So far Uno Spin, the sled and HeroScape are proving to be favorites.

Carrie got 2 more WWE books(Eddie Guererro and Chris Jericho), boots, a CSI computer game and her ring. I think the ring is her favorite but I'm not sure. :D

A letter was sent out the other day to my dad asking if he'd like to come to the wedding. Due to his health issues I doubt he'd make it. Even if he does there will be some tension because of Carmen. Oh well.

Popped the Big One

As many of you know I've been living with Mrs.Puzuma(Carrie) and that we have a mini Puzuma(Logan). We've been together for 8 years, April will be 9 years.

Well this morning the Mrs opened a box and in it was paper around another box. Inside that was another box. In that third box was something shiny. As we all know shiny's good.

As she was looking at the shiny thing I asked a simple little question, "Will you be my bunker monkey forever?"


She said yes.


The wedding is hoping to be 2010. Why? Well at that point our son will be legal age to play paintball. Yes, discussion of the wedding is around paintball.

We're hopping to have the proceedings at a local field, get married there, have the reception there and just have fun.... it's kind of like a shotgun wedding. :D

I hurt

Here it is, December 17, 2007. Eight days until Christmas and I've been wishing for spring for the last 4 weeks.

http://www.thewhig.com/ArticleDisplay.aspx?e=821343&auth=Jordan+Press
Seems Kingston was hit with a pretty big snow storm. All I know is that yesterday I shoveled the driveway twice and again this morning. My arms feel like limp noodles. My back is stiff and I feel like I've been beaten with a stick.

To top it off we're supposed to get flurries all this week. Wee.... More shoveling.

Guess that means more snow to put in parking spot #2.

Yeah. There's 3 apartments in this building. I'm apartment 1. Last winter I shoveled the 4 car driveway and the bitch in apartment 2 had people parking in it. This year the driveway needed shoveling twice prior to the storm and SURPRISE! they didn't shovel at all. So I've only been shoveling from my door to the end of the first parking spot. Every scoop goes into that spot. Why should she reap the rewards for my work? Fuck her. And if the landlords come her to chew me out over it I'll tell them where to go, how to get there and what stop to get off at.

Well, Doesn't look like I'll be going into business anytime soon. Or at least I won't be converting the Memorial Center into a field. More information came in and it's WAY too cost prohibitive to try. Unless I win $40 million in the lotto and can buy the land it won't happen. I doubt the city would sell.

Last weekend Carrie and Logan decided to decorate for Christmas. I'd rather decorate 7 days before the big day and take it all down before the first week of the new year is over. I hate the cluttered feeling of having things decked out. Add to the fact we have low ceilings and I keep bumping into things....

Carrie's got some minor rib problems again. not sure if she cracked or bruised things the other day but her right side is swollen and tender. She's also had problems with her period again. She's never been regular and uses birth control to regulate it. The thing is it either doesn't work or it does for a year and then stops. Her body seems to adapt to it. She's been on 4 or 5 versions of the pill, all with different chemical compositions and has now been on the patch for a little over a year. It too has stopped working, she'd had her period now for about a month. The only "good" thing is it hasn't been as heavy as normal for her.

Carrie called her gyno yesterday to try and make an appointment. With the "snow storm" we had there were plenty of cancellations. Now Carrie has to call the hospital by the end of the week to set up a date for surgery. She's going to get a partial hysterectomy. That should end the problem once and for all.

Logan is driving me nuts lately. I know he doesn't mean to but it seems like he's doing everything he can to tick me off. Logan has always been attached to me. Doesn't matter where I go he follows. Carrie can be standing next to him at the refrigerator and he'll ask ME if I can get him a drink. Sometimes it makes me want to bash my skull in with a hammer.

This past Friday Carrie and I went to the Cataraqui Town Center to do our Christmas shopping for each other. I picked up a few things for her I know she'll like and she THINKS she knows what they are. I've neither confirmed or denied her suspicions.

Logan's school had a school store set up for the first time this year. It's a great little program. The school sets up a couple of days and some space to allow the younger kids to buy presents for friends and family. They were expected to earn their own money for this. Parents help list who they were to buy gifts for and a maximum amount for each person. Gifts range in price from $0.50 up to $15.00. They got to pick things out on their own and learn about budgeting money too. Today his teacher will be helping them wrap everything.

My back is starting to hurt again. Nowhere near as bad as in February thankfully. I've had to shovel the driveway 3 times now and will probably have to do it again soon. It kind of sucks living in the basement and having our own entrance since no-one else will shovel down to our door. It wouldn't be too bad if it weren't a 4 car driveway. What sucks even more is the fact we don't have a car. The bitch and he boyfriend on the second floor don't have car either but they have more vehicles show up as company in a week than any one else in the building does for a year and they DON'T shovel. Yet they have the fucking nerve to say we're inconsiderate if we leave our door open when we go to check the mail? Maybe I'll be lucky this Christmas and Santa will give 'em some really bad pot, bad enough it kills them, or that Social Services finds out they are defrauding the system.

Going into business?

It would be nice. Maybe someone reading this can offer me some help.



That's an over head view of the Kingston Memorial Center.

The Memorial Center is located near downtown and is within walking
distance to bus stops. It isn't really being used for much since the new arena is almost built.

The Memorial Center is on 23 acres of land, not quite a 50/50 split of
buildings/parking and field area, but close enough.



On the left are the buildings, on the right is open field circled by a
running track. The entire property is fenced in with an obvious entrance
at the Hockey building and parking between it and the livestock
buildings. The rink has a seating capacity of just over 3000 people.
There's room for roughly 200 cars in the main parking and another 50 or
so in the lower parking area. Parking "behind" the rink would be for
staff and can be accessed from the other road.

The rink obviously has change rooms, washrooms, snack bars and a meeting
room.

The yellow circle indicates an man door in the fencing that would be
permanently locked.

The area circled in purple is where the fall fair takes place including
parking for their vehicles. Since the city has a contract the fair would
still need to be accommodated.

Now using NPPL field dimensions as a base I'm figuring there could
easily be 15 speedball fields. Re-arrange the netting and you can have
bigger fields.

Modifications: Exterior- Fencing would need to have it's height
increased. I think it's 10' now but would prefer 12-14'. Multiple holes
would need to be sunk around the interior of the track to accommodate
removable safety netting posts, 18' tall for 16' tall netting. This
would allow the track to be used for safety vehicles and foot traffic to
reach various fields. Additional flood lights added for increased play
time/safety. I'm not sure where the fill stations would be set up though.

Interior- Retractable safety netting suspended from the ceiling to
allow for occasional ice usage.

Pool - None. Pool would remain open to the public during the summer
season with and paintballers would get a free swim with a game booking.

Aside from the fact that I have no business experience I think the
biggest huddle would be proper zoning to allow air guns to be used.

So... Do you think something like this would work? We have a university
and 2 or 3 colleges in town and were centrally located too.

Now some of my research has yielded some information.

For example: for the year of 2007 operation costs of the Memorial Center, as is, is $300,000.00.

Now there's no way I'm going to put 15 fields there right off the bat but it's nice to know what kind of expansion is possible.

I checked out Money Paintball for start up equipment and insurance. Insurance will be near the $2000.00 mark/year. They have a great "starter package" that would have enough stuff to put up 4 outdoor fields, all the rental gear and a compressor for $140,000.00. There's a Reball package that I could use indoors, so that paint doesn't cover everything, for $50,000.00. So $200,000.00 gets everything.

I'm still trying to find out the costs for bulk paint, but if I can get mid grade paint for $63.00/case and a skid has 48 cases I'm looking at $3024.00/skid. At one skid/month that's $36,288.00/ year.

That means monthly expenses would be about $45,000.00/month not including staff...
That means if I sell paint at a 15% markup ($73.00/case) and charged $20.00 field fee I'd need 2100 people to play a month.

I may have to just use a portion of the field only to reduce costs and run a store out of the Memorial Center.....

MY BRAIN HURTS!

Now that my inner Gumby has been released.....


It hasn't been very long but I've been working on a potential business project for the last 5 days. I'm not going to give any details until I have more information and a better grasp on the big picture. As of right now it's a HUGE picture.

Just for equipment for the start up I'm looking at at least $400,000.00. I still have to consider some other things yet but am waiting for more info to come in so that number could go up or down. Most likely up.

I knew it would be expensive. I know I won't make it rich, at least right away. I have some fantastic plans in mind that could prove to be massive money makers too.

What's pissing me off about this right now is several of the supply companies "only deal with businesses". What the fuck is that about? How is someone supposed to ensure he has the capital to start a business if he can't find out what shit will cost? See why my brain hurts?

Other than that not much else is really going on.

Carrie is doing well. Her back is still not that great but she is starting to do more walking.

Logan is having fun at school. He's enjoying the running and reading club again this years. He's also starting to enjoy reading at home. He's been reading his book every day, 10 minutes or more at a time. He's currently reading The Adventures of Jerry Muskrat by Thornton W. Burgess. He's a little more than half way through the 120 pages. There's 20 books in the series and I think we have 5 or 6 of them.

In the 80's (I think)the Burgess books were adapted for television in a cartoon called the Green Forest. I remember watching that on a daily basis because my youngest sister Paula loved the show. I didn't mind it too much, the stories were pretty good and the animation was OK but it just wasn't Transformers or G.I. Joe.

Depressed

And rightfully so it seems. And it all has to do with my extremely small, string on muscle relaxer, limp penis.

At least according to my junk mail box. Carrie would say otherwise of course, but why should I trust my loving wife? She doesn't flood my in box with 500 emails a week saying how strong and virile I am. So it must be true. I'm told I NEED and extra three inches at least 4 times a day and that I need about 40 lbs of Viagra type meds a week.

Based on my email I should have a schlong that measures...(3" x 4 times a day x 7 days a week x 52 weeks a year)... That's 192" or 16 feet long. DAMN! No wonder the wife isn't sexually satisfied.

That also explains why I need so much Viagra. God help me if I missed a dose. I'd be hard at both ends and limp in the middle.

Mind you If I followed their advice I'd start getting emails about me having a pencil dick.

On the plus side though I'm not fat. I don't any emails screaming that I need to lose 30 pounds fast.

I think I'm going to take my teeny weeny to the bathroom and cry now.

That didn't last long...

Three days into the book he decided he didn't want a CCG. So now we've switched gears. 10 minutes of reading gets him his computer time for the day.

Friday one of the Degus had another litter of pups. Only 6 this time. The other female looks about ready to explode so we're thinking another litter within the next week.

I hate looking for work. It's depressing. I don't have a college degree so that kills a large chunk of jobs. I've got some rusty computer skills but no papers so I'm over qualified to flip burgers but under qualified to fix computers. I could go back into ware housing but lifting Logan hurts my back, how the hell am I supposed to be able to lift 50lb regularly through out the day and do it 5 days a week?

Reading

At the beginning of the school year Logan brought home a note stating that to improve a child's reading skill they need to read for 10 minutes a day. That sounds great in theory but has proven difficult at best in practice.

Like all kids, if he doesn't want to do something he makes it seem as if it's killing him. Logan's thing is he's "itchy". This allows him to squirm and whine and put the book down. Of course every 30 seconds he's asking if it's been 10 minutes yet. He also tends to like to "read" books he pretty much has memorized.

Last night I found one of my book I figure he might like. It's a novel by Marvel Comics, a Spider-man/X-men cross over. It's about 200 pages long and in the 10 minutes he read slightly more than a page. Towards the end he was dropping the tears to try and get out of it. GAH!

Then I had flash of inspiration. I'm not quite bribing him, I'm challenging him. If he gets the book read by Christmas then for his birthday we will get him a collectible card game. He was very interested in the deal.

I explained to him that he HAD to be able to read fairly well to play a CCG like Pokemon, Yu-gi-oh or any of the other games. He was curious about what other card games there were so we went on line and looked some up. I told him that we'd have to go to the stores around us because not all the games we found would be available here. So today after lunch we're all going downtown to the games shops.

Carrie had her dentist appointment in Belleville last week. The bone loss in the jaws isn't being caused by the osteopenia, it's being caused by gingivitis and another oral disease. Both are treatable and both should have been seen by the dentist here. So we are a bit pissed about that. Dr. Vepoorte in Belleville is going to take us back on as clients so we don't have a group of retarded monkeys putting sharp objects in out mouths anymore.

Carrie also saw our family doctor. Basically he told her to only use the chair for long walks. She needs to walk at least 30 minutes a day to help strengthen her back. It won't cure her but it will help reduce the pain.

The week before last we had a meeting with ODSP (Ontario Disability Support Program). Basically they wanted to confirm our finances to ensure we were still eligible. We are for now.

They informed us about changes being made and that I now have to work(or prove I'm looking for it), even if it's part time. Failure to do so would mean I'm removed from the monthly cheque.

Now, I have been looking. I've been putting out several resumes on line a week, including to womens clothing stores. I just haven't bothered to keep a record. So of course I get the lecture from ODSP. Then a few days later from Carrie. A few days after that I hear it from my mother. Carrie gives me a second hand lecture from our family doctor. So I had a meltdown.

I snapped. Now I have everyone in the family terrified I'm going to do something stupid. They all want me to go in and get diagnosed to see if I suffer from depression. That's a great idea but how do i do that? A few months ago our doctor gave Carrie a referral for a psychiatrist. That went great, none of them here in Kingston were taking new patiences. So how the hell do I get to see one? I don't have a referral, not that would actually help. Maybe if I had a gun or a large knife?

I need to punch something...

As you know Carrie was diagnosed with Osteopenia last year, it's like a step below osteoporosis.

We managed to get a loaner electric wheel chair through the Oddfellows Hall and that's been great. Carrie would prefer a scooter since it's easier to put into a trunk should we need to take a car somewhere.

Sunday afternoon Carrie was munching on some leftover roast beef and found one of her lower front teeth had come loose. Monday and Tuesday she had some minor discomfort and yesterday it was bad enough for her to go to the dentist.

The dentist took some x-rays and pulled 2 of her teeth. Based on the x-rays he could see that the bone had deteriorated to a point where it could not support the tooth. Further x-rays showed that the rest of the lower teeth were not being supported properly anymore. Basically she has about 6 months before the rest of her bottom teeth fall out.

The Ontario Disability Support Program (ODSP) doesn't cover dentures. We sure as hell don't have the funds to pay for them out of our pocket either.

My stress levels aren't doing so well.

We called my mother to let her know what was going on and what we should do next. She suggested we contact her dentist for a denture consult/second opinion. Sine he knows mom so well he'd be able to set up a payment play.

Carrie had an appointment on Wed with him then on Thursday she sees our family doctor to talk to him about this. I'm guessing/hoping that he'll order another bone density test and make it more thorough.