Blog Update:
January 25, 2004
I'm writing this without an internet connection. That SHOULD be available on Feb 17 or so. Seeing as I have nothing else to do at the moment, I might as well write down what I have to say.
On Wed Jan 18, I was up before 7 am and hating the day already. It was time to leave my family and wife and child. It hurts so bad knowing it will be a while before I see them again. Each passing day I feel the knife in my heart twist a little more. Every morning I wake up hating myself for being here and a part of me hopes that this endeavor to find a job fails quickly so I can return to those I love most.
My mother arrived the night before so that she could drive me to the Kingstown airport, which was greatly appreciated. We loaded up the van and Carrie, Logan, mom and I were off. As we got closer to the airport it started to snow. Not heavy just a few flurries.
I checked in at the counter, and went through security to have my bags checked. I mentioned that I had my paintball marker in my suitcase but apparently I wasn't heard, since I got a lecture about it from one of the guards. I zip tied my bags shut(no locks for them, LOL) and went out to the reception area to spend as much time with my family as possible. Twenty minutes later I was trying my best not to cry in front of Logan and Carrie, It was hard enough with out tears, saying my good-byes. I went back through security and saw Carrie on the other side of the glass wall, tears in her eyes. I know she wanted one more hug, one more kiss and for me not to go. It hurt so much not being able to touch her.
I sat in the departure lounge waiting for my flight, delayed by 20 minutes due to weather. I could see the wind was picking up and the snow was starting to blow. It felt like months had passed before they called for boarding on the little Dash 8 propeller plane.
the Dash 8 was the start and end of my journey. From Kingston to Toronto and Calgary to Grande Prairie. On both planes my seat was right beside the engines at the emergency exit. If you have to travel by Dash 8 make sure you have some triple strength Tylonol or down a bottle of your favorite booze. Both flights gave me migrane level headache, and were other-wise un-interesting.
Once I arrived at Pearson International Airport I ran like hell to find my next gate. Once I was there, there was a 30 minute delay because the flight crew was late. Once on board they announced another 10 minute delay while they wings were de-iced. Again I was at the emergency exit over the wings in the window seat. I was able to watch the de-icing. I could also see that the weather was starting to get a little worse. Finally we got airborne only to be told we'd be an hour late getting to Calgary, due to strong head winds.
Nothing interesting happened on the flight, they did show a movie, Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. I didn't think it was all teat good. Could have been the headache talking though.
Another year had passed and we landed in Calgary, an hour late, as they said. It didn't bother me since it was now a 2 hour lay over instead of a three hour one. There wasn't much to eat at the Calgary airport. I had a sandwich at the Tim Horton's and that was it.
While I was waiting for the flight to Grande Prairie they announced that Toronto bound flights were cancelled, but no reason why. After I arrived in Grande Prairie(G.P.) I heard that there was some kind of strike, there was some kind of accident and it was just shitty weather.
The flight to G.P. was dark, cloudy and boring. When I got off the plane I found that only half my luggage arrived. All I had was shirts. No pants, no socks, no underwear.
I spent the night at my dad's place with his wife Laura and my sister Erika. I was expecting to take the bus from G.P. to Grande Cache in the afternoon but there was a change to the schedule and Laura drove me out there. What a shitty drive! Mountain road, heavy fog, icy roads and people driving at 125-180 kph. I think Laura kept it at around 80 kph.
When we arrived Thursday she took me to Grande Cache Coal so I could get the key to dad's apartment and, hopefully, talk to Vicky and set up my drug and breath tests. I got the keys, but Vicky wasn't in. So we went to the apartment, dropped off what luggage I had, went for lunch and then back to the office. Vicky was just coming in and told me to come back at 4:00 pm for the testing. After that all I could do was wait.
Grande Cache is too small for me. The "mall" has 8 or 10 store and that's it. There's no movie theater or library, and everything closes at 7:00pm.
With dad at work from 5 am to 7 pm it's just me in this small apartment with nothing to do but listen to the radio (2 whole stations!) or play on the computer that only has the basic Windows 98 games. Dad does have Age of Mythology for the computer, but his video card and RAM are inadequate.
Sunday night I went and got dad at the mine and headed back into G.P. because he was heading to Winnipeg Tuesday morning. I had to drive that damn road for the first time in the dark and in a van I hadn't driven before. The heavy fog patches didn't help any.
Monday morning I used dad's new Dell to get online and chat with Carrie briefly. I had called her once or twice since I had arrived, but the computer was better since I could see her and Logan on the cam. Carrie looked so pale and tired it made my heart break.
Since I left she's barely been able to sleep and when she does sleep it's because she cries herself to sleep.
Logan was just a goofball as he always is when the cam is on.
I was able to give Carrie a phone number for here in Grande Cache. I also found out that a friend of hers is staying to keep her company.
After I was done on the computer Dad and I were off to run errands. He needed a carboy (big glass bottle used to make wine), a phone, more RAM, a video card, and a satellite receiver.
Tuesday morning (today) dad left at 5:00 am. That meant I had to drive back to Grand Cache on my own. It was a lot better during the day with a nice warm sun and the roads were about 90% ice free! Aside form three road kill elk, I saw a live moose and a mountain sheep ram. When I arrived in town I went and paid the rent ant inquired about a 2 bedroom apartment. That will have to wait since they didn't have any notices to vacate yet.
When I got back to the apartment I plugged in the crappy phone dad had in the garage and found no dial tone. I used the cell phone to let Vicky(in payroll) know I was back in town and got to work upgrading the computer.
The RAM went in with no problems. The video card was a bitch to install. It took a while to get the drivers to install but I did it! I went out for a snack and at 4:00 I checked the phone for a dial tone. WooHOO! It worked. I called Vicky to give her the new number and was told I had passed the drug test(no I didn't study for it. :P). I gave Carrie a call, but the line was busy, so I left a message. She called back about an hour later.
She's sleeping better now that Melissa is staying with her (thanks Mel) and Logan is doing okay, even though he has a bit of a cold.
Each time I talk to Logan I doubt this move more and more. It kills me not being able to tuck my son into bed at night, or hear his evil little laugh. I even miss him asking, "Why?" all the time
As for Carrie, Well, She's my wife. As much as she would drive me crazy being around each other 24/7, I miss her just as much. I know, you're thinking I miss the sex. At this point I couldn't care if I ever got laid again as long as I get to hold her, kiss her, see her. Hell I even miss her cold feet at night and being forced to watch soap operas!
But I need the job and know that this is for the best.
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Additional to Jan 25.
I got a call at about 7:30 from Gord. Looks like I start work tomorrow morning. I have to be at the corner by 6:50 am . I hope the day goes well.
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January 27
Yesterday was my first and last day of work. I don't care what people think of me, so here's the truth: I freaked.
The physical labour and being outdoors didn't bother me even though my work boots leaked like a sieve. I didn't care that I spent 6 out of 11 hours lifting 80 pound batteries. What got to me was the drive up and down the mountain road, and I have no idea why.
I got home at 7:00 pm last night, closed the apartment door and started to hyper-ventilate. I tried to calm down, but all I could thinks was "I'm going to die on that road." I know the radio was on, but I couldn't hear it, and even lost my sight to tunnel vision for a few minutes.
It took me 30 minutes to calm down enough to call my mother. Yeah, I don't care if you think I am a fucking baby for wanting his mommy. As soon as she answered the phone I lost control again. She got through to me enough to get me to call my dad at his moms place in Winnipeg, but after I hung up, I lost it again. Carrie called, because my mom let her know what was going on and I lost it again. I calmed down little more and called dad, and lost it. In total I spent about 3 hours crying like a lost 4 year old.
After a rough nights sleep I woke up to a ringing phone. I though it was the mine asking where I was, but it was Carrie checking to see if I was okay. I was calmer, but still felt like shit. At 9:00 am I headed out to the mine to return my gear. I stopped at the guard shack and started to shake. The guard, Cheryl, asked if I was ok, saying I looked about ready to have a heart attack. I think one of the site managers was there as I explained. I know my voice cracked and I was close to tears again.
Later that day the mine did call. At first the said they could accommodate me by not needing me to drive up and down, but I had to explain that it didn't matter. I couldn't handle being a passenger, there's no way I could be an effective employee.
I feel like I let everybody down, Carrie, Logan, mom and most of all my dad. I still feel shitty about the whole thing. Just thinking about it makes me want to puke and start crying again. Everyone's been telling me I haven't let anyone down, but I'm having a hard time convincing myself of that.
When I talked to dad I told him I want to go home. I have to wait until Feb 2. Even if he won't pay my way mom said grandma will. The next six days are going to be hell.
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Today, Feb 12.
The six days passed. I went to Grand Prairie and felt un-welcome in dads home. It might have been because I was upset at myself. At least I was back to civilization.
My flight left Grande Prairie at 8:00 pm Monday night, and I arrived in Kingston Tuesday morning at 9:40 am.
Am I ever glad to be back home. I enjoyed seeing my dad and my sisters again, but I have my own family here and they need me just as much as I need them. The loneliness I felt was hell, and I'm out of that now.
Mind you, I'm in a new kind of hell. DAMN THIS JET LAG!!!!!!
