Thoughts of Suicide

Dunno where this came from but it needed to get out.

I'm alone in the dark, staring at the fragments of light. Five, no, four white dots so far away I can just barely see them. Are they stars? Maybe it's the last remnants of my soul fading away.

It seems like years since I counted out the codeine pills and checked on line to see if I had enough. I must have otherwise I wouldn't have taken them all. I think I can feel the pill bottle still in my hand. I don't know though, maybe I don't have hands maybe I never did.

Three fragments left.

I know I'm still breathing but just barely. I can't tell if I can hear it or feel it, probably a bit of both. I don't really care though. I think it hurts but I'm not too sure. It's shallow and ragged like a child that's been crying over it's dead dog.

Two lights left. I think I should be afraid but I'm not. My tongue is sticking to the roof of my mouth and I think I shit myself. I still can't feel my hands and feet but I can feel my guts churning and the powdery leftovers of having chewed the pills. I think I'm crying. Maybe I vomited. It's hard to tell, all I feel is wet on my face.

One left.

How long is it between the lights going out? I don't know and I'm not really worried. Time seems to have lost all meaning. It's getting hard to think, to remember. All I can do is wonder. Was this the smart thing to do? Would slitting my wrist have been better? Could I have gotten a gun? Is there a really a god and an after life? how long before the last light....