I might quit.

I started my training at Startek on Sept 22 (or close to that date anyway). It was 3 weeks of classroom work, reading online lessons, doing role plays and testing. As I've said before I felt under trained.

After I started on the phones I was nervous of course. I struggled along with my classmates. I was getting used to how things worked and just starting to get a handle the Bell phone features. And that's about the time things started to change. I started to sleep less, eat less and began to feel sick to the stomach some mornings.

I was on the phones until Nov 8. That's when they pulled me aside and told me, not asked, that I was going to the sales cue. More training. And my stomach got worse.

As it stands right now I'm eating one meal a day (and it's a lot smaller than I would normally eat), I'm getting about 3 hours of sleep a night (sometimes less) and when I get out of bed in the morning I sometimes have a headache and always feel like I'm going to puke.

What's wrong with me? I have a good idea. My sister had the same problems when she was in school. She was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I'm guessing my job is the source for mine.

I've worked in places I didn't like but I've never had this problem before. I've called in sick and today is the third day in a row. I'm going to the clinic today to talk to a doctor and I'm also going to call ODSP (Ontario Disability Support Program). I think I'm going to quit but I need to make sure it's not going to mess with our ODSP payments. I doubt ODSP would cut us off, especially if I have medical reasons.

I spent close to an hour this morning crying. Worried how Carrie would feel about it. We talked and she's fine with it. On one level I'm worried about what the rest of my family will think. On another level I really don't care. If they want to bitch and moan and call me a quitter then they can all go fuck themselves. They don't need to speak to me at all or ever again.

On top of all that Carrie's got three cracked ribs. She was house cleaning a couple of weeks ago and slipped in he socked feet. She banged up against the rocking chair and we figured she'd just bruise a bit. She went to the hospital yesterday because she was still in pain and having some difficulty breathing, getting out of bed and just moving around. They x-rayed her and found lots of swelling and three cracked ribs.

My headache is coming back. I think I'll go have some toast and tylenol.

Emo?

A while ago on the Spec Ops forum a member asked, "Why don't people like Emo Kids?"

Several members commented on how annoying this group of kids are. How they walk around all depressed, wearing black (usually female clothes no less), complain about how no-one likes them and why the cut themselves. His response to this was, "We just want to be left alone. You're all pissed because I'm an individual."

That made me laugh. I fail to see how dressing, listening to the same music and acting like the rest of the Emo Kids makes you an individual, weather you are a "true" emo or a poser.

For a while I pretty much left it at that. Then someone at work made a comment that reminded me of the Emo.

I have no problem with someone trying to express themselves. I grew up surrounded by punks and goths. I dealt with potheads, geeks, nerds and jocks. Preps and wannabes. I did things people thought I was nuts for doing. I was accused of being a skin head when I shaved my head the first time. But emos?

I have a hard time accepting a group that claims to be original when the first emo kids ever were seen around in October 2, 1950. Who are these kids? Everyone and their dog should know them. If you haven't guessed it's none other than Charlie Brown and the gang. Read the comics, you'll see what I mean.

You want people to like you? Then why the hell are you being an annoying ass clown and whining about it? I hate to break the news to you but the universe shits on everyone. You want proof? Try living in Halifax NS for 12 years and being deathly allergic to seafood. Quit cutting yourself. Maybe the extra blood that makes it to your brain will let you have an intelligent thought.

God.. "I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy. I'm just not happy because my life didn't turn out the way I thought it would." Hey! Join the fucking club, ok!? I thought I was going to be the starting center fielder for the Boston Red Socks. Life sucks, get a fucking helmet, allright?! "I'm not happy. I'm not happy." Nobody's happy, ok!? Happiness comes in small doses folks. It's a cigarette, or a chocolate cookie, or a five second orgasm. That's it, ok! You cum, you eat the cookie, you smoke the butt, you go to sleep, you get up in the morning and go to fucking work, ok!? That is it! End of fucking list! "I'm just not happy." Shut the fuck up, allright? That's the name of my new book, "Shut the Fuck Up, by Doctor Denis Leary. A revolutionary new form of therapy." I'm gonna have my patients come in. "Doctor, I.." "Shut the fuck up, next!" "I don't feel so.." "Shut the fuck up, next!" "He made me feel so much better about myself, you know? He just told me to shut the fuck up and nobody had ever told me that before. I feel so much better now." Whining fucking maggots.

Thank you Dennis Leary. I couldn't have said it better myself.

A title that means nothing.

Work has been going. Even though I work for the phone company I can honestly say that they SUCK. I can't say why until Monday. But I can say it will piss people off to no end.

I had one customer, a politician, call in totally pissed offed. It seems that he had no phone service and the repair crews had gone out to fix it. As if that wasn't bad enough. According to Mr. Politician the construction company doing work across the street from his office was run by the Mafia and they were out to get him. At this point I'm thinking that I've been to the town where he is and there's no way the mob would be after a useless jerk like him, unless of course he owes them drug money. His town is way to small to be of interest to the mafia. He then begins to rant about how the "street gangs" of "worthless teenagers" are out to get him as well. DUDE! There are only about 2500 people in your town! What's the gang consist of? Two high school students walking in your direction to get to the corner store?

Then there are the really stupid things that shouldn't happen. Things like people getting charged for the installation of 9 phone jacks, or having a $100 refund increase the bill, or people who wait a FUCKING MONTH! before calling in because no-one actually came to the door and said their new phone was connected. GAH!

Halloween!

Halloween has come and gone. Logan was dressed as Superman. We were only out for about an hour and a half. The best part of the night was the guy dressed as a scarecrow with a jack-o-lantern head. He was sitting in a chair in his driveway and his wife was handing out treats. As the kids would leave he'd make a grab at them and scare the bejeebers out of them. Logan bolted out of the driveway and down the sidewalk. We called him back and he was laughing, "He pranked me didn't he?" All we could do was laugh with him.

The worst thing about the night was coming home. Why? Because as soon as we got in and finished sorting the candy there was a Christmas commercial on TV. Carrie thought I flipped my lid when I started swearing for no apparent reason. Why the hell can't we have a day or two of quiet before the Christmas rush begins?

Other Stuff

I've been trying to get my hands on a copy of Call of Duty. The FIRST version of the game. There is a paintball mod for it. Even if it's kind of cheesy I don't care. It's multi player online and many of the forum members play. I think it'd be kind of fun to play against them. If you know of any place I can get a copy let me know.