I might quit.

I started my training at Startek on Sept 22 (or close to that date anyway). It was 3 weeks of classroom work, reading online lessons, doing role plays and testing. As I've said before I felt under trained.

After I started on the phones I was nervous of course. I struggled along with my classmates. I was getting used to how things worked and just starting to get a handle the Bell phone features. And that's about the time things started to change. I started to sleep less, eat less and began to feel sick to the stomach some mornings.

I was on the phones until Nov 8. That's when they pulled me aside and told me, not asked, that I was going to the sales cue. More training. And my stomach got worse.

As it stands right now I'm eating one meal a day (and it's a lot smaller than I would normally eat), I'm getting about 3 hours of sleep a night (sometimes less) and when I get out of bed in the morning I sometimes have a headache and always feel like I'm going to puke.

What's wrong with me? I have a good idea. My sister had the same problems when she was in school. She was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder. I'm guessing my job is the source for mine.

I've worked in places I didn't like but I've never had this problem before. I've called in sick and today is the third day in a row. I'm going to the clinic today to talk to a doctor and I'm also going to call ODSP (Ontario Disability Support Program). I think I'm going to quit but I need to make sure it's not going to mess with our ODSP payments. I doubt ODSP would cut us off, especially if I have medical reasons.

I spent close to an hour this morning crying. Worried how Carrie would feel about it. We talked and she's fine with it. On one level I'm worried about what the rest of my family will think. On another level I really don't care. If they want to bitch and moan and call me a quitter then they can all go fuck themselves. They don't need to speak to me at all or ever again.

On top of all that Carrie's got three cracked ribs. She was house cleaning a couple of weeks ago and slipped in he socked feet. She banged up against the rocking chair and we figured she'd just bruise a bit. She went to the hospital yesterday because she was still in pain and having some difficulty breathing, getting out of bed and just moving around. They x-rayed her and found lots of swelling and three cracked ribs.

My headache is coming back. I think I'll go have some toast and tylenol.